I'm pushing a month since I last wrote. I realize any random readers I gained are probably long gone, giving up on the few laughs afforded by reading someone else's life foibles. I wish I had better words. A friend recently explained what it meant to taste words... it sounded so right. But, now I feel like all my taste buds have been burned off and I can't quite articulate the life that's happening around me.
I'll start by saying that my time at home was a gift. Now that I'm back here for my last semester of college, (of course, all of you folks in 'real life' saw this coming!) I am taking inventory. I'm asking all those questions freshmen ask when they arrive on campus, wide-eyed and ready to bring their answers and gifts to the world. Only this time, I'm asking these questions posed for answers I never expected. I'm asking without interrupting to finish the puzzle with my own inspired solution.
Something that has come of this spiritual and intellectual inventory is the beauty of community and the importance of relationships in the body of Christ. This isn't a new idea, I realize, but God continues to press on my heart with ways I am not living in agreement with what I understand to be His truth on the issue. God formed community as a reflection of Himself. How beautiful! There is such peace in knowing that this is how God intended life. Yet, the people with whom I should most instinctively live in right relationship are the very ones with whom I forget.
The over-arching redemptive narrative climaxed on earth with the ultimate sacrifice of and for community in Jesus' death and resurrection. But the beautiful resolution began with the presence of the Holy Spirit... and now we can see that God's children are all part of one holy body, working to do the will of the Father. I praise God for this design... the community gathered around my life has shaped what I know to be love.
Again, I'm overwhelmed with where to go from here, because so much has transpired in the few short weeks I've entered into this community. In some ways it feels familiar and in others I sense the old feelings of restlessness pressing in with the power and momentum of a train... I want to jump on. .. throwing off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles (Hebrews 12). Everything that gave me joy and life in my journey in Chicago is part of a much grander, glorified picture that God has for His kingdom.
Life right now is going much, much faster than I anticipated, but at the same time I've never valued peace and quiet more. I love that to the world contradictions go unexplained, but to God contradictions reveal his wisdom and our folly. He is not confused. Praise the Lord for the mysteries kept beyond our reach - for our salvation that is to be worked out with fear and trembling. Praise God for His ways that are so much higher than our ways! For He IS God, and to understand any more than He's revealed would make Him less than the Almighty.
I wish I could explain. I've started so many little blogs in my mind. Sometimes I wish I could have a mini keyboard that I could manipulate with one hand. I envision myself with the little contraption on my hip, right hand typing away as I walked to class. I know - could I be more of a geek? I literally think in terms of paragraphs as I walk down the sidewalk. Many of these little brainstorms only make it as far as the unresponsive air, but the world is probably better for it. These blogs can only take so much theorizing from commonfolk like me.
I will hopefully update with a little more regularity, because I feel overwhelmed right now to try bring everything in my life up to present.
go in peace and grace.