Hmm.. I became quite reflective today, as I was writing my support letter for Poland. I realized as I wrote Romans 10:14-15 how much it was part of my past. I remember one summer working at Bethany Camp during missionary time, Treva talked about how the feet of those who bring the Good News were beautiful. At the time, I silently hoped that my feet would be beautiful someday, almost dismissing it out of fear and unbelief. But, oh did God ever plant the seed. I think it was also there that I raised my hand with a few campers as ones who could feel God's calling on them to missions. Praise the Lord for the work that people like Bill and Treva are doing. They would persevere through brick walls if they felt the Lord's leading. I have many times hoped in my deepest heart for a future much like theirs, knowing that is such a difficult thing to hope for.
But, yes, I wrote the first draft of my support letter today. These are funny things, well maybe just slightly awkward. I was reading the materials that International Messengers sent me and an article entitled, "Are Missionaries Beggars?" caught my eye. The author used both Old and New Testament to show that giving to missionaries is biblical... remember when Jesus comissioned the 70 without purse, script, or shoe? It's all right there in Scripture. Paul writes about it beautifully when he praises the Philippian church for their support.
YET, this still feels awkward. I won't lie, it's hard to send the letters. Several of my friends feel the same way. It might be our society or just our unbelief that God really will work through his people. A big part of me wants to say, I'll just work really hard this summer and save. It seems like on every end there's a downfall. If I saved all the money myself, I know I would somehow twist it to think that I was sending myself instead of God. And if I go from support then I may not value the experience as much as if I'd worked for it. It doesn't help matters any that my culture teaches me that I have to earn my keep. Those who are going anywhere in the world have to forge the way for themselves, instead of taking hand-outs.
With all these mixed messages, what will cut through the clutter? I've been learning about the clutter of advertising... you know the ultimate picture is Times Square where you become on sensory overload before you can take in everything demanding your attention. Well, with all those ads, commercials, and shiny things, what really speaks?
Hmm.. I'm unsure of what to write here. I mean, I know what I should write - that God's Word is alive and active in me, sharper than a two-edged sword and our only offensive weapon against the enemies of this world. Yes, I do believe it! Yet, my spirit is literally rocked each day when I come to actual intersections where my faith is tested. I do believe it, but I would never say I understand it or have attained it.
I guess I just want to say that I try to understand God's perfect, sovereign plan, but I can't say that I completely follow it. I am struggling, but pushing forward to reach the goal, which is in Christ Jesus.
Whoa. My apologies for this being somewhat abstract and deep. Maybe I'm just adding to the clutter. Regardless, may God be praised. May HIS name be raised on earth today as it is in heaven around His throne!
Grace and Peace.