If you've read this blog for more than a few months, you know I love to wonder. I love wide eyes and mysteries and the way my body gasps for air when I am in awe. Some days, I fall into it naturally. Like when I bounced from table to table at the bar after church on Sunday night because I wanted to be with everyone all at once. And the way Grace and I skipped arm in arm ahead of the group when we all decided to end the night with pie and coffee. And the way Gordon walked with his own little swag, topping it off with a little sidewalk dance while we waited outside for our table. And the way we crowded in around to eat key lime and bourbon pecan and cherry pear crumble pies like we had been friends for years and years. Days like this past Sunday are the rumble in my gut that stretches out through my fingertips to say, "what a wonderful world!"
As cheesy as that sounds.
I looked over at Patrick several times throughout the night and said, "We are so blessed." But words can never accurately describe wonder. Blessed is not enough. The joy I feel surrounded by this group of new friends cannot be planned or packaged. It is just very simply God's unique grace to my soul. He promises abundance and then He delivers and it looks like 6 hours of "church" on Sunday, starting with choir practice and ending with key lime pie.
And I don't get how it all works.
I don't understand the science of wonder, I just know that it makes me feel very small and very humble and very grateful. I am nothing - just a little dot moving around in this crazy big expanse called the universe. But God knows the hairs on my head and He knows how much joy I feel when I skip and sing and celebrate over key lime pie. He knows those things because He knit me together inside my mom's belly.
And I still don't get how it all works. I just know that I cannot manipulate awe because wonder refuses to be manufactured.
Wonder is the surprise your soul feels when God pours out a unique grace - the kind your heart best understands.
Life does not have to be perfect to feel the joy of this grace. The ordinary, everyday real life in the flatlands is just as likely a place to feel this grace as the mountaintops. So, I try to train my heart to feel wonder - to live with wide eyes and to search out mysteries and to laugh uncontrollably while we sing Willy Wonka as we cross Broadway in Williamsburg.
"Let your soul lose itself in wonder, for wonder is in the way, a very practical emotion. Holy wonder will lead you to grateful worship and heartfelt thanksgiving. It will cause within you godly watchfulness; you will be afraid to sin against such a love as this." Charles Spurgeon, Morning and Evening: Daily Readings.
Godly watchfulness is how I'd like to wake up tomorrow. I want to feel the fear of sinning against such a love as this. I mean that in the best of ways. God's grace is so good, so specific and so personal. I'd like to be so wrapped in wonder by God's grace that can't take my eyes away from Him - for fear that I will miss out. The more mystery I take in, the more there is. The more love I feel, the more He provides. The more grace I need, the more He gives.
Wonder gives birth to wonder and why would I ever go looking for something else?