Today is one of those days, sandwiched in between beauty and beauty. I am caught in a funny paralysis, the kind that prevents me from Christmas gift splurging and the kind that prevents me from making my own Christmas wish list. I am stuck in a funny corner where I'm frustrated at my love affair with things (the giving and the getting) but I realize the elephant in the room is my love affair with things (the giving and the getting).
We've been studying the women in the lineage of Jesus on Sundays and in home group. Yes, a slightly different sermon series than most churches choose during this time of year, but it has swelled my soul. As we have read between the lines in the lives of Tamar and Bathsheba the past two weeks, the scandal of my Savior's messy heritage has been... refreshing.
Scandal is not too strong a word, either.
The women named in Matthew 1, in the lineage of Christ, lived messy, scandalous lives but Jesus never conveniently forgot them from the family tree. God chose to send His only begotten Son by way of a family overwhelmed by strife and conflict and sexual sin. Jesus came from a long line of wayward souls.
Tamar (in Genesis 38) was forgotten and discarded after two husbands passed away, Judah was desperate and afraid, and God was faithful. He was faithful to care for Tamar, though her desperation drove her to search for righteousness on her own. He was faithful to Judah, whose fear led him to doubt God's plan and provision. God's faithfulness to both these wayward souls (Jesus' ancestors) in all their scandal is a soothing medicine to my paralyzed heart.
Because honestly, I don't know what is best - how to give and get things in a way that honors the Lord. I don't know how many toy drives to join and how many gifts to forgo in an effort to support organizations living out the gospel. I don't know what those numbers look like and I don't know how my checkbook should look in light of them.
But I know I don't want to be paralyzed. I want to believe that God has called us into marvelous light this Christmas, the kind that helps us hold things loosely. I know that the beauty of the salvation story has a whole lot to do with the way God wanted a family of wayward souls to be the heritage of the Son of God.
The beauty of our Savior's life is that not a thousand scandals could mess up his reputation, because he took every wayward weakness upon himself. He lived the most scandalous story when he came as a baby and when he died on the cross. There has never been anyone more vulnerable than our Savior.
So, today is sandwiched between beauty and beauty, and I am thinking of bigger things. I am breathing in the history of my salvation and the way my Savior chose to come, chose to die, and chose to redeem the wayward.
I still don't get it - how the details are supposed to work out or what I'm supposed to wrap and send and buy for underneath the tree. Maybe that's okay.