We can be all kinds of emotional. All kinds - nervous, joyful, sad, fearful - all kinds. It seems like mine have run the gamut here in NYC. I can sink in sadness and in the very next moment be heaped in hope. They are all mixed up here in NYC; maybe emotions are mixed up everywhere.
But in every kind of emotion we must be always believing.
I think this is taking deep root in the soil of my soul these days and certainly as I read the lectionary reading this morning from Psalm 119.
I have chosen the way of faithfulness; I set your rules before me. I cling to your testimonies, O Lord; let me not be put to shame! I will run in the way of your commandments when you enlarge my heart! (Psalm 119:30-32, ESV)
I love to read the conviction in David's declarations, because I know he was an emotional guy and he had every right to be emotional. Chased by death and failing kingdoms and family matters and desert armies, David lived the kind of life that seemed to warrant fist shaking at the sky.
But inside his mixed up emotions, David chose the way of faithfulness. Because he was not helpless against the affections of his heart. David set the Lord's rules before him and clung to the Lord's testimonies.
In choosing and doing these things, David is actively believing that this is the best way to move forward with mixed emotions.
Sunk in sadness or heaped in hope, David chose to run in the way of the Lord's commandments. I can almost hear the pulse of his feet pounding the desert path in the direction of the Lord's commandments. It sounds strange, even as a word picture. Why would he run in the direction of commandments - in the direction of something that appears to fix his feet in one place? Why would David love the Lord's rules that seem to restrict instead of set free?
Running is freedom, at least it seems so to me. It means throwing off hindrances and making steady progress in a particular direction. And David is running in the direction of the Lord's commands because freedom gives birth to freedom. The Lord enlarged the heart that powered his running feet and with his freedom he ran in the direction of faithfulness. David believe that the Lord would keep His promises and that being near to the Lord was the best destination, the best lifestyle, the best routine - that meant being near to His commands.
David knew inside his heart of mixed emotions that the Lord's commands were not a straight jacket but a mysterious wardrobe where marvelous things were hidden. David believed the Lord's commands would grant him more freedom than anything the world could promise him.
The Lord granted David freedom to run and with that freedom, David ran in the direction of most delight - the way of pleasing the Freedom Giver.
I can't imagine experiencing all the range of emotions tangled up inside David's heart while he was hidden in caves or castles or closets. But I do know where he found strength when he was sunk with sadness or heaped with hope. He found strength as the Lord grew his heart and he ran in the way of faithfulness.
He chose to chase the mysteries of the Lord's commands because He wanted to please the Freedom Giver... and because (I think) he knew that the most joy in this life would be found running toward and not away from God's gracious constraints.