I don't think I'll ever have the right kind of social graces to move through life with less awkward form. My walking lately has been like dancing on a floor full of marbles - anything but graceful and more than a little injury. It's hard to walk steady when the ground always seems to be shifting. But don't get me wrong - I'm not complaining. I'm the one who thought it'd be a good idea to throw marbles on my dance floor in the first place. It's just, well, a funny thing to find myself in the middle of (even if I put myself here).
When you dance on marbles, you move your feet because you'll fall if you don't. You might fall if you do, too... But you move anyway and as long as you're moving, you might as well dance, right? I'm out there on that dance floor believing there is a solid foundation on the other side of all that movement.
Am I the only one who thinks dancing on marbles is a great analogy for living in limbo, desperately dependent and full to filled with hope? (I am running on very little shut-eye, so the answer could be legitimately yes).
But I have to admit that I wonder (ahem, often) - does life ever level out?
I think the answer is no, which is both exciting and a little scary. I love being in limbo - the adventure and the unknown and the forced dependence of it all. That's when my hope gets electric. It has to be, or else I'd go crazy.
Because I don't think life ever levels out. I don't think there is a time where I get to "settle down" and things start making more sense. I don't think there is a phase where I get to sit back and let life happen to me for a while. If there is such a phase, I'll never get there and that's okay.
This hope - the flailing about on loose marbles kind - is too electric to grow out of. You've got to hope in something when you know for certain your chances of standing on your own are nil. And I've got a sure hope, a certain future, and a definitive peace in the middle of all my gauche flailing.
Of all the phases of loose marbles in my life so far (and I've had many), this seems to be the most marbly. That just means my hope is extra super electric.
And let's be honest - I don't actually have control over the marbles or the dance floor, anyway. Just the dancing, and I can do that.