I know, you didn't ask for it - but it's comin' atcha anyway. You don't have to take my advice, but I don't know why you wouldn't. Don't ever (no matter how confident you feel or how cool you look), EVER point your rollerblades down the hill in the middle of the Iowa State campus by the MU. Seriously - don't do it. You might end up with matching 5 inch abrasions on either thigh, a twisted knee, a banged up elbow, and a severely bruised pride. Yes, that happened.
Apparently, I won't hit my humility quotient this month for quitting my job and moving across the country without a job or an apartment. Everybody needs a good spill every once in a while, even if just to remember that walking a normal straight line without a limp is a precious thing that should be appreciated. The wipeout was unfortunately epic and witnessed by several innocent bystanders. Don't worry - I jumped up quick and bladed off so they didn't feel awkward about leaving a struggling, crashed blader spread out on the pavement.
But, let's get serious (because all my advice isn't rollerblade-related).
I had dinner with my Uncle Tom tonight because I'm crashing at his house again - this time for just a couple weeks. It was home for a year, so living here again feels like putting on a favorite pair of jeans. Right now my favorite pair of jeans is literally soaking under an ice pack, so I've got time to process some of the wheels spinning circles in my mind.
We talked about belief tonight over drinks and guacamole and pizza and lettuce wraps - about what kind of belief pushes out fear and worry and anxiety and shame. Because we're all believing something, Tom said, but we're not all believing the right thing. And it's true.
Only the right belief can displace all the ugly monsters wrestling for space in our hearts. Only the right belief is comfort when you realize all those catchy phrases your fifth grade teacher told you about "shooting for the stars" sound way easier inside the imagination station.
Only the right belief about who God is will give us the right belief about the power of our circumstances.
I've had my share of breakdowns. I am familiar with the questions that pound like downpours. I know the rhythm of a panicked heartbeat.
But there is hope in the middle and not just on the other end of all these wrestling wars for my peace. It's never about getting over a phase or through a season or on top of the details. It's never about any of that because it's always about having the right belief about who God is in the middle of it all.
He is Protector. He is Provider. He is Comforter. He is Healer. He is Peace. He is Joy.
And He is not these things only when my life makes sense - He never changes. If I believe He is who He says He is, then my belief makes room for joy where ugly monsters once wrestled for my peace. By His grace, I believe He is Protector enough, Provider enough, Comforter enough, Healer enough, Peace enough, and Joy enough.
He is SO ENOUGH that in this uncertain slice of August, the joy is bursting out my rollerblade seams and climbing into my borrowed bed.
He is that good. And He never changes.
I believe, I believe, I believe.
And my right belief about God is jettisoning my doubts as I pick up more trust in the One who overwhelms me with joy.