All the markers were strewn around his feet. He stretched his chubby fingers, determined to pick up every one and carry them across the room. But he was too ambitious - every time he grabbed more than three the first two would fall out. I just watched as he bent over with furrowed brows and his little bum in the air. He started grunting after several failed attempts and my heart swelled. He didn't want just two markers or even three and he certainly didn't want to make several trips across the room. He wanted all of them at once, no exceptions.
Oh, little one, I understand.
Everybody thinks you are crazy (seriously, kid - fifteen markers at once is never happening), but I get it. I get that those markers became super important the minute they became impossible.
Sometimes I wish it was culturally acceptable for me to just hang out with my bum in the air and grunt while I try to do what is obviously impossible. I don't know why I wish that (I know I will have to give up eventually), but maybe it has something to do with our efforts as adults to keep things hidden.
I don't want my foolishness out in the open. I don't want to be caught with my bum in the air and furrowed brow, determining to do something impossible and foolish. But little ones - they get a "pass" when it comes to things like this because they don't know any better.
I watched this little guy pick up and drop the markers until something shiny distracted from his frustration. And, I thought, I understand.
But there is something else - something about growing and knowing and being aware of what is good and wise and possible.
As much as I wish I could be foolish without consequence, I am glad to be rescued (to some degree) from futility. Deep down, I don't really wish to go back to ignorance (even though it looks carefree and blissful at times).
I am grateful for knowing what I know on this side of things. I'm grateful for God's promise to grow us from one degree of glory to another and that He teaches us what is foolish and what is wise. I claim this wisdom daily as I walk out steps of faith in obedience.
It just feels... complicated sometimes.