There are a lot of reasons I'm crooning this jam from Milo Greene. It's not because I know what he's about - I don't. I am just the kind of person who has a soundtrack to my days and this is making the list. This song got stuck on me because I wish my clients would sing it. Some of them do, yes. Some of them want their kids back more than they want anything else in life. And when I get their voicemails about completing treatment or a picture text of the parenting class they are attending, a little part of me leaps with them for joy. Some of them are the reason I have a job - because they prove change is possible.
Others of them, well... I have to sing these lines on their behalf. I'm not sure how badly they want their kiddos back in their care, even though I am sure that they love their littles. But I want them to be reckless with their love - I want them shaken out of the stupor that addiction has buried them inside. I want to see them look those littles in the eyes and say, "Don't you give up on me. Don't you do it."
Because, sometimes I wonder if the children want to. I wonder if they are tired of getting tossed about. I wonder if they get lonesome for home - one that stays in the same place with the same people. I wonder that.
And then there's the other thing. There's the other thing I think when my day's soundtrack is stuck on this song.
I know the song isn't about holiness or the Lord or probably anything spiritual. But, my heart is the Lord's and I suppose it always stretches to hear Him even in unlikely places. And when I hear this song, I can hear my heart singing to the Lord about my holiness.
I know, sounds strange.
I'm just so far from holy - so very far from even feeling like there is progress, sometimes. And those times I imagine God shaking His head at my efforts as He patiently directs my steps (often in the direction opposite my footprints).
My friend and I read Kevin DeYoung's book, "Hole in Our Holiness" and went to the Desiring God conference last fall where both Piper and DeYoung spoke. The incredible importance of our holiness sunk in so deep that it's in almost every conversation we have now.
Though we are called positionally holy as sons and daughters of the Lord, bought with the price of Christ's shed blood, we are still being sanctified. That is, we are in the process of becoming holy right now, in this life.
And so, when I sing this song a bit of my heart asks the Lord not to give up on me. I know the progress is slow. I know I go backwards as often as I go forwards. I know I need to learn lessons I've already been taught.
But, I know [far above everything else I know] that the Lord will not give up on His sanctifying work. Even as I plead for His patience I am believing that He is giving it in grace. He has called me, and therefore He is doing a work that will be brought to completion.
For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified. (Romans 8:29-30 ESV)
My holiness, the messy progress of it all, is a victory I can claim in this moment. I know I'm not near finished - there's a whole lot more in my life that needs sanctifying. But, to the degree that my heart mourns my waywardness as I sing this song, to that degree my heart is lifted with hope that God won't ever give up on the progress.
The progress of my holiness is His alone to claim. He receives the glory for every victory over sin and He will not fail.
I guess that's the difference between putting your hope in a person and putting your hope in God.
God will not fail. He won't give up on me.