We sang, crowded in concentric circles around the basement with my mom pounding out the hymn on the piano. We sang the familiar song that has accompanied every Thanksgiving I can remember - even the Thanksgivings where I have been far from this little countryside gathering. It seems that counting blessings got into my bloodstream real early and has never left.
When we had little, we counted. When we had much, we counted. When we struggled, we counted. When we prevailed, we counted.
The blessings always seemed to outnumber our math, so we counted by song and we're still counting.
I can't put my finger on the emotion hanging in that long skinny room this past Thursday, but every year it seems to swell for the new little ones and the ones married in. The emotion is heavier than the scent of turkey and stuffing and Aunt Jane's coconut pecan pie. The emotion of counting blessings is a heavy one.
I wonder if we count our blessings like someone counts a harvest... and we're accountable for what happens after it's been stored away.
Sometimes I find myself getting caught up in the counting, overwhelmed by what I've been given. I'm drawn into thanks and into joy as I reflect on these gifts - as I look on the storehouses of blessings that are bent to bursting. And as I get caught up, I get stuck.
I stop at counting and thanking.
This year, I'm feeling the Lord asking me to count my blessings so that I know exactly what I am giving back to Him. It is not enough to be thankful. It is not enough to get overwhelmed and weepy at the Lord's provision. It is not enough.
Thanksgiving and joy are part of the journey into greater joy and greater thanksgiving as we count the blessings as they go out from our possession. In the same way that we count the blessings we've been given, we must also count the blessings as we give. Because we were never meant to hold fast to anything but Christ.
I have so many blessings to count, but having many blessings is never the problem. The problem is my hoarding what has been counted.
As I read through Kevin DeYoung's Hole in Our Holiness, I came to his reflection on this passage from Timothy 4 and specifically verse 15, "Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress."
I thought of all the ways I make excuses for my slow progress on the holiness road and the excuses I allow others to make for me. I thought of the conversations in my head where I've said, "But you aren't making hardly any money right now..." and "No one really expects you to give..." and "No one really knows your schedule, anyway..."
And I thought about how my beliefs about blessings sometimes stretch a great distance from my behavior with blessings.
Command and teach these things. Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching. Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you by prophecy when the council of elders laid their hands on you. Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress. Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching.Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers.
1 Timothy 4:11-16 ESV (emphasis mine)
Counting blessings is only the first of a two-part transfer. The second part is the way you transfer the blessings to others. This I must practice in a way that my progress is noticeable. I must make my behavior - my speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity - match my beliefs in a way that transfers blessings into the lives of others.
I'm not discounting the ways I have succeeded in blessing others - by God's grace I hope it does happen. But, we have never arrived at a final destination on the holiness road, so we must keep journeying.
And when my pack gets full of blessings, I know I must transfer the joyful load so I may travel light.