to get where I'm going

I want to get wherever I'm going. And the devil in me says that it's not right now. I'm impatient to say yes to something I don't even know exists - I'm ready to be 'all in' at any moment, but that moment seems to stay frozen just beyond my reach. It's maddening... though I feel foolish for speaking it.

I am impatient to get to a place and a time I don't even know exists. And the longer it remains frozen outside my grasp the stranger these moments become. Maybe I am the one frozen as the moments move forward and what is within reach is actually where I am going - where I am now.

This is late night talking, but it's still me. I think that sometimes I should let the late night talk so the daylight talk doesn't paint a poor portrait. Make no mistake, I am not articulate and 'put together' - less so even than my daylight attempts make me seem.

I am reaching and striving and stretching for things to satisfy and often ending empty-handed. I am inward and withered and measured by useless, manmade instruments. I am still young with hope and wide eyes but I am old with the growing weight of unknowns.

I want to get wherever I'm going. And the devil in me says that it's not right now.