I was standing between pews of neat rows and English words hung in the air above my head. I was supposed to sing along after the guitar solo opened the song, "Inside Out." I was supposed to be thinking of God's attributes. I wasn't doing either of those things. I was thinking about the word, "clamará" and the first time I heard this melody. Panic froze my praise. I grasped for the words - the right words - to fill in the space between me and the sky. I wanted just the right words to put my heart's love to song and English wouldn't do. The drums swelled and voices harmonized and I stood unable to sing.
I tried to read the words on the screen and translate, but the order is all wrong in English. The phrases are all out of place and the r's are dull.
I closed my eyes and my heart opened up.
Dios eterno, tu luz por siempre brillará y tu gloria incomparable sin final el clamor de mi ser es contigo estar desde mi interior, mi alma clamará
Every word climbed on top of the next, an expression in process - a verb in past, present, and future tense all rolled into one presentation of praise to my Lord. The word, "clamar" means "to cry out" and I love to picture my soul crying out in a way that rolls over into future tense. In Spanish, the chorus reads,
"God Eternal, your light for always shines/and will shine, and your uncomparable glory has no end. The cry of my being is to be with you From my innermost, my soul cries/and will cry out"
I'm starting to think the notion of "heart language" or "native tongue" can mean many things and sound many different ways. This morning, singing praise to my Savior meant communion behind closed eyes with the Lord in a second language that seemed to better explain the verb tenses of my soul.
A little waterfall followed my communion, but I meant that to be praise as well. I knew the Lord would understand. He speaks all languages and knows the importance of clamará and remembers the events that make it mammoth in my understanding of who He is. He knows each young lady who pushed me to a more honest "clamará" in Tegucigalpa as I desperately wanted to know, love, and delight in Him so that they would, too. He understands the unspeakable desires in my heart that won't ever find an outlet in letters. He knows my delight is and will always be found in knowing Him, finding out what pleases Him, and delighting to do those things.