Today blusters. The wind rushes the trees and picks up crunchy leaves from ground that should be covered in snow. Wednesday is my morning for study and I'm glad I'm sitting by a window. When the books press my brain and my journal scrawls make no sense, I just look out the window and breathe in the gray of this day. I have rough days every once in awhile - days where it's hard to smile and a labor to laugh. Last week, I had one of those days. A friend sent a text to see if I wanted to hang out and my response was, "Rough day. Sad. Need more Jesus." She was sweet, even if I wasn't making perfect sense.
Today is looking way less rough and way more beautiful, but I still need more Jesus. It's so funny how I work hard to cheat myself out of joy. I fill up my day and scrunch all sorts of non-sense into spare minutes so that there is nothing left. I read and think and write and dance and laugh and sing and sound my barbaric yawp in the quiet community parks. ...And I work hard to make more space for me and little space for Jesus.
By 9 am, I've sealed my fate: life abundant is aiming a little too high. There is just too much caroline going on to be distracted by Jesus.
Oh, man. Jesus had something else in mind for my days. Something magnificent and unexplainable and bigger than minutes and bigger than the wind outside this window.
Jesus said he came to bring life and life abundant (John 10:10). The only way abundance is going to fit in my day is if I become less. The silly madness of it all is that my searching, loving, and longing for Jesus will mean the best and most JOY - not less. Though I pack my days (good and bad) with other things, only more Jesus can make my life overflow with a joy that seeps into the corners of my sadness and twirls in the spontaneity of surprises. Only more Jesus will make sense of my brokenness and the world's failures. Only more Jesus will lift my spirit above catty gossip and exchange it for words of blessing. Only more Jesus.
I'm praying this will be a Romans 15:13 kind of day.
Romans 15:13 says, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy."
A day FILLED with ALL joy and peace, trusting in the Lord, OVERFLOWING with hope by the power of the Holy.
God LOVES so completely, so PERFECTLY, so winsomely. The wind blows and shakes the trees and I think... How could I not want more in response?
let LOVE fly like cRaZy